Dear Shamus,

I just found out how depressing it is to be in the city with out seeing you. I feel like my life has come to a stand still and that every one else is moving around me, while I'm frozen stiff! I feel like I've lost so much and yet I'm still being punished for something Ive yet to find out what it is! I know in my heart I'm trying to hold together as best as I can and that I never knew that I could be this strong alone. Through all this I wonder how someone can go through this alone, with no one to understand or be there with you. Is that wrong to need a friend that knows you inside and out? Or is it wrong to feel that for once In your life you really know what you need even if its someone to be by your side? I feel like I'm going to tear my head in two trying to see that what I'm doing is right, Or if I should be feeling this way. I some times feel like I'm lost and have no sense of direction, and you say That the only way to life is to be alone. But then why do people have the instinct to be with other people? At the same time you of all people are the only one that makes me understand, and believes in me. Going through all this, all I'm asking for is that someone please help do this with me. Please don't leave me to decay in my own soul and mind. This is one thing in life where I please need you to hold my hand and the one time in life where I know what I need ...